


I Don't Like Mouth Hair

by iheartmwpp



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor, I REALLY Gotta Lay Off The Sugar, Pure Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 15:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iheartmwpp/pseuds/iheartmwpp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just your average Order meeting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Like Mouth Hair

Disclaimer: I OBVIOUSLY OWN ALL THE THINGS FOR JKR WOULD TOTALLY WRITE THIS. If she was really, really fucking stoned.

~*~*~

"Oh my God, there is an Oompa Loompa on the table," Dumbledore commented idly as he walked through the chimney, punting an armadillo out the window and vacuuming the trees. He called the rest of the Order over with promises of freshly killed cassette tapes, but when they found out he'd already eaten them they dropped a banana on his foot.

"Ooo, candle," Remus commented, staring at a trampoline. "I should light it and watch it burn. Because that's what candles do when you light them."

"Very observant," said Kingsley, chewing on a magnet. He then proceeded to smother tiger kittens with his leotard.

"Splee!" cried Mad-Eye, jumping up and down and flailing his limbs frantically.

"…Splee?" said Tonks incredulously. "As in spleen? A common expletive of the Germanic women-choking tournament?"

"SHUT UP I AM LADY GAGA!" Mad-Eye shouted, drenching her in a tidal wave of potatoes.

Suddenly, Molly's head popped out of the ceiling.

"Look, I found Canada!" she shouted. "It was at the bottom of the lake and it was shiny!"

"Gasp!" gasped Dung gaspingly, holy shit gaspingly is actually a word, what the fuck, pointing a finger dramatically at her. "So it was you who sold my grandmother to the cactus factory!"

"If you look closely, my left nipple is actually a portal to another world," said Remus, juggling his kidneys.

"How much ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?" Mad-Eye read aloud from a book called Male Pregnancy: Why It Could Totally Happen In Reality Except Not It Is Dumb And So Are You.

"I got seventy-four, but I've done drugs," Bill admitted.

"Oh that's it!" shouted Tonks, pulling out a Pokéball. "JESUS, I CHOOSE YOU!"

"I'M JESUS, BITCH!" shouted the rare shiny Jesus.

And then the chinchillas ate the remains of the porcupine quills that had been laced with sulfuric acid.


End file.
